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Rainbow-Starlight
26 October 2012 @ 10:57 pm

Yes, it's true. Lacey Sturm has officially left Flyleaf.

This came as a huge surprise to me. I seriously was not expecting this at all. Flyleaf is my second favorite band and are coming out with a new album called "New Horizons" on the 30th. They talked about going on tour in support of their new album. Then the lead singer, the band member most people probably think about when they think of Flyleaf, the face of the band... just leaves.

http://site.flyleafmusic.com/

She left a message on the official site:

"I have been beyond blessed to be in Flyleaf for the past ten years, touring with 4 amazing men and the Flyleaf crew, whom I love like my flesh and blood family. They have all given so much.  It took everyone on our team to make the beauty in Flyleaf possible. I am honored to have met so many wonderful people who love Flyleaf music all over the world. Your incredible stories continue to inspire me. I am very thankful to have recently become a mom to one of the greatest blessings of my life, my son Jack. You may have also heard that we recently lost our brilliant sound engineer, Rich Caldwell, in a devastating car accident. Now, more than ever, I understand the phrase Memento Mori. I understand that, for me, living life to the fullest in this season  means to step down as the lead singer for Flyleaf. I wish the best to Jared, Pat, Sameer and James and I know that as I continue to pursue the highest heights of what I am created for, it will free them all to pursue that for themselves too. 

The guys will continue to tour and write music together.  I'm so very grateful that they are able to do what they desire and that there is a beautiful and talented, warm hearted girl like Kristen May to sing for them. Because of this, you will all get a chance to see a new Flyleaf show and support the new album. 

As I take this first step on a new journey, I pray that each one of you would pursue your highest calling with reckless abandon as well, understanding that sometimes the fullness of life comes in doing things that are only understood by you, God, and the special people God has put in your life that truly love you for you… not for what you do, but for who you are.  I love you guys so much and in many ways, I will stay in touch. May God bless you all with healthy hearts, full of courage to weather the journey to your own New Horizons." - Lacey Sturm

When I first heard of this, I actually thought the band was breaking up. In a way it was even more surprising to learn that Flyleaf was continuing without Lacey than it would be to learn they were breaking up. It would be sort of like if Evanescence continued without Amy Lee or Green Day continued without Billie Joe. It just seems... odd. Like a huge part of the band is missing despite it only being one person.

This is very sad news. Lacey Sturm is a wonderful, beautiful, talented and inspiring woman. It is very, very sad to see her leave Flyleaf. Especially since I've never seen the band live and was looking forward to seeing her, and now I never will. It's safe to say that the band will never ever be the same.

Despite that I don't plan to quit listening to them. I'm the type of person who will stubbornly follow the things they like to the bitter end, no matter what crazy changes they might undergo, with few exceptions. I'm still a Linkin Park fan even after they changed their music drastically. I'm still a Pokémon fan after all the changes that the new generations brought. I'll still be a Flyleaf fan without Lacey Sturm being in the band.

That said, I can't help but wonder what the future is going to be like for the band. New Horizons has Lacey's vocals, obviously, so there is still one more album with her on it. Then there's the tour. They said that they will still tour in support for the album, but with a lady named Kristen May singing. It's too bad my first time seeing them live will be with some strange lady singing the songs - almost like a cover rather than the actual thing. Assuming I'll get to see them at all, that is.

Maybe Kristen May will do a great job. We can't know until it happens. I certainly hope she does, though she still just isn't Lacey. She doesn't seem too committed to the band, though. She mainly seems to be focused on some solo album with her adding "Oh, and I'm Flyleaf's singer" as sort of an afterthought. I found that sad. I've heard that she isn't the permanent singer and that she's only going to be around for the tour. That would make sense. I hope whoever the permanent singer is will be committed to the band. I doubt they'll get someone as amazing as Lacey, though.

As sad as I am about Lacey leaving, I'm trying to be accepting and understanding of it. It's her personal decision and her life, after all. It would be selfish to want her to be forced to stay or to be mad at her. She feels this is the best thing to do and the next step in her life, and she wants to spend more time taking care of her family.

I can't help but wonder what she's going to do after this, though. If she's going to continue making music at all (if she does I will gladly buy it) or if she's going to just completely quit. I have a feeling it's the latter. Or maybe she will try out something completely new (honestly, I would LOVE to read a book written by her). Or maybe she will just focus on her family and her religious beliefs. Whatever she chooses to do, I hope it brings her happiness.

Still, I have a feeling that the day New Horizons comes out will be bittersweet. I'm sure it will be a great album. Especially since the amazing old unreleased song Broken Wings will be on the album. Before I really wanted them to create a new version of that song but honestly thought they never would.

On the other hand, I'll have to listen to the album knowing that it is the last time I will ever hear a new Flyleaf album sung by Lacey.

 
 
Current Mood: contemplativecontemplative
Current Music: Enya
 
 
Rainbow-Starlight
25 October 2012 @ 05:50 am
So there's this guy on YouTube who's been flaming me worse than anypony has ever flamed me before.

Me: Even if you can't stand this show, that doesn't mean it doesn't deserve a fandom. Maybe it won't be as great as MLP, but come on. Hamtaro has a fandom. Hello Kitty has a fandom. Just about every show has a fandom. Why should this show be any different? I for one love LPS and I really do hope this show does well! Even if I thought LPS was stupid, I'd hope that the ponies who DO like it could develop a nice community and have fun like fans of other shows do. Love and tolerate! ^_^

Me: You are so fucking misinformed, ignorant, sheltered, and a plain shithead.

Kill yourself you autistic pair of budding [censored]. You know nothing of fandoms/communities and the atrocities they accomplish.

Me: Thank you for making me laugh! What a hilarious comment. Oh wow... this has to be a joke. Seriously. xDD Silly, silly parasprites. Oh, and I think I know something about fan communities, considering the fact that I've been part of them for over eight years. Since you're such an obvious parasprite, may I ask why is it so fun to throw ridiculous insults at ponies you don't know over the internet... because of a TV SHOW that hasn't even aired yet? Do you not have anything else to do? Why not find a hobby?

Him: You aren't even a filly so far I've seen, you're a fucking monster. A fucking disgusting, putrid, redundant, autistic, cancerous, BEAST that just waits to be shot down and stripped of your hide and skin. Your opinion is void and lack credibility of all kind, because of your alien heritage and lack of common sense.

I wasn't paraspriting, I was flaming. And I take pride in knowing my words affected you.

No, this is sincere. I really do want you to cut your [censored] off simultaneously and then slit your mothers throat and suck the incoming gash of blood. So, you've been part of communities for eight years and yet you're 14/17? Good job, you haven't realized that everypony that's in a community and states so are completely ignorant and unknowledgeable of how things work, and therefore they are blind. Like you.

Me: Your words didn't affect me. I just thought your words were extremely funny due to how ridiculous they were. I'm 19, by the way. And what are you basing all this on? Literally all you've seen of me are two YouTube comments. What compels you to lash out so much at a stranger who happens to hold a differing opinion on a video clip? You seem to have an awful lot of anger judging by your responses to me. Maybe you should see somepony about this."
I added this in a separate comment since I ran out of room:
I don't think wishing a violent death upon some random lady on YouTube for disagreeing about a TV show is normal or healthy.

Him: Oh, but they did. They sure as buck did. No, ALL I've seen of you is totally not /watch?v=OhZNT1432XY . You fucking disgusting goddamn autist piece of shit.

This is the INTERNET, by the way. You fucking newfag/newwhore. You see, this is what I meant by sheltered.

I seriously have a hard time identifying you as a fucking filly or a transexual piece of shit [censored].

Me: Ohhh, that! I forgot about that video. Oh, now we're insulting my appearance? What are you, an elementary school kid? Seriously, what is the point of this? I don't care what you think of me. You don't even know me. I just feel sorry for you, because whatever horrible thing in your life caused you to act like this must have been simply awful. May I ask what you're trying to do? Are you hoping I'll get mad and post a video of me crying and swearing? Sorry, not going to happen.

I seriously feel sorry for him. Reading his replies made me feel very sad since I'd imagine it would be awful to have thoughts like that, especially over something extremely trivial. I don't even know if I'll be able to bear reading any more of his responses, both because they're disgusting and because they just make me feel really bad for the guy. I'll probably end up blocking him or something.

I did block him. I came close to reporting him, but decided not to, though I probably should have. I will if he keeps sending me comments.
 
 
Current Mood: sadsad
Current Music: Discord (Vocals) - M_Pallante
 
 
Rainbow-Starlight

Recently, for one reason or another, my interest in religion has been revived. Despite being an atheist I've had a rather strong interest in religion, especially paganism. There were times when I tried to join some religion but they usually didn't last long. Most of them were just decisions I made quickly without thinking them over for a while first. Other ones got confused with or effected b y my illness in negative ways. It was basically at the point where I felt that I couldn't pursue a spirituality until my illness was at least somewhat better.

Well, I feel that I'm at that point now. I don't worry about the government all the time, I don't think that the ponies driving by my house are after me, I don't always hear ponies having conversations in my head, and I don't think I have to stop somepony who lives in my head from taking over the world with an army of thirteen beings in 2013. Sweet Celestia, all that makes me sound insane...

...Anyway, my point is, I'm not anywhere near as ill as I used to be. So, I finally feel like I can try to find a spiritual path without being confused as to whether it's a delusion or not. That doesn't mean that it's perfect and that I'll never have that problem ever, but I don't want to sacrifice an aspect of myself. Doing things while thinking almost everything was illegal was hard, but I didn't want to give up everything I love because of it.

I've got into, tried and researched several different religious beliefs. Some of them were "mainstream" (oh no! I'm becoming a hipster! First Hot Topic and now this! /sarcasm). Most of them were not. Most of them were beliefs that ponies have been attacked and killed for throughout history (not saying that Christians were never persecuted...) or, much more recently, ones that ponies are often parasprited and bullied online for.

Some of these were paganism, Wicca, Celestianity, otakukin, otherkin, SoulBonding, and Digiclipse. The one that has, by far, stuck out to me more than any other religious belief I've heard about is paganism. Not a particular tradition within paganism. Just paganism. Perhaps neo-paganism is the term, I'm not sure. All I know is that it calls out to me.

Even as an atheist, sometimes I would find myself thinking things like "When do I get to be a pagan?".

I honestly think that it's the religion for me. I've read before (on pagan-related pages if I remember correctly) that when you find the religion for you, you'll know... or something like that, maybe. It was over four years ago, probably.

What makes sense to one pony may be nonsense to another. What causes positivity in one pony's life may cause negativity in another pony's. What might seem like bliss to one pony may feel more like torture to another.

This seems to be something that is hard for a lot of ponies to understand. Ponies are convinced that their way is the only "right way".

That's why, if I do indeed become a pagan, it probably isn't going to be easy. There are a lot of intolerant ponies who STILL, in this day and age, associate paganism with devil worship. One of those ponies happens to be my mother.

Before when she found out I wasn't a Celestian, she called me a "heathen" in an insulting way. She cried because she thought me and my brothers were going to hell. She glanced at a paper I wrote about paganism (trying to explain it to my dad) and called it devil worship.

My dad, despite being a Republican and claiming to be a Celestian, actually isn't like that. He has very different views on Celestianity than my mom and, well, every other Celestian I've met. He's even said that it's possible that there are multiple gods and that a new one takes over after a while.

Still, he thinks witchcraft is a bad thing. So I might have to try to explain my beliefs to him while avoiding terms like "witchcraft", "witch", and "spells". Comparing it to ancient Native American beliefs might work better.

As for my brother Jamie... that would be hard. He's an atheist and probably wouldn't react well to me suddenly becoming religious.

Edit: Forget it, I'm not doing this after all. Pretty much the only reason I really wanted to do this to begin with was because believing in fairy tales sounded fun. Now I know how silly that is. As fun as believing in magic would be, I'd rather believe in facts. Sorry.

 
 
Current Mood: contemplativecontemplative
Current Music: Imaginary - Evanescence
 
 
Rainbow-Starlight

To my surprise, the Rainbow Dash figure that I ordered from Hot Topic's website came in the mail today, as did the pack of MLP trading cards.

The packing that the figure came in is, really, really cool. It's black with a bunch of light gray designs on it (hearts and such). It has a picture of Rainbow Dash on the front and top. Like two of the pony shirts I got from Hot Topic before, the Rainbow Dash picture is black, outlined in blue, with her mane and tail being rainbow colored. The MLP logo is white and black with blue, green and yellow on top rather than its usual pink and purple. The box says "vinyl collectable" rather than "toy".

Basically, it's obvious that this is being marketed towards bronies rather than little girls. Bronies have been asking for higher quality merchandise for a while now, and it seems that Hasbro is starting to listen. This figure is more expensive than the regular brushables (the brushables are $5, this figure was $15), but it is bigger and higher quality. Also, the back of the box says "Look for more My Little Pony vinyl collectables". I sure hope that means they are going to make more! I'd buy them all.

Now to compare them with other pony toys. First I'll compare it with a Fashion Style pony. I only have Fluttershy and Twilight Sparkle ones. I'll use Fluttershy for the comparison since they're both pegasi. No, it has nothing to do with the fact that Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy is my absolute favorite pony couple. :P

The figure is a little bit smaller than the Fashion Style pony, but not too much smaller. Rainbow Dash feels more durable and is heavier. The plastic that Fluttershy is made of seems hollow while the Rainbow Dash one doesn't. The shape of RD overall seems more show accurate, especially when it comes to the mane and wings. The wings are FAR more accurate than on any of the other pony toys I have. Fluttershy's wings are alright, but they're too big and just aren't shaped right.

Now to compare it with a regular Rainbow Dash brushable. I'm not sure where mine is, so I'll borrow my brother's for the comparison. His is almost exactly the same as mine, except his RD's mane seems a bit different from mine (but not much).

The shape on the Hot Topic one is certainly more show accurate; the brushable's legs are more shoret and chubby in comparison. The colors are more accurate as well. The brushable has this super light, almost grayish blue while the HT one has a shade of blue that's a lot closer to the show. The brushable's mane is long and has two colors for the head and two for the tail. The mane on the HT figure is one of my favorite things about it.

As much as I like brushing synthetic pony hair (no, really, I'm not being sarcastic! I really do!), the HT figure's molded hair looks a lot better and is a lot more show accurate. The only real problems I have with it are that it's missing orange and that it's parted in the middle so that RD's hair is over both her shoulders. Other than that, it looks great.

Another thing I really like about it is the wings. They look very good in my opinion and are a lot better than the brushables. The cutie mark is only on one side and the eyes are too purple, but the figure is still so good that I don't really mind.

Now, onto the MLP trading cards.

I really wanted to start collecting these trading cards, especially since some of the people who worked on them were actual bronies who slipped in a bunch of fandom references. The pack came with four trading cards, one standee, and one tattoo sheet.

The cards I got were Spike, Scootaloo, "I hate being a model", and Day Spa. The cards look very nice, with high quality pictures. The back has a description and those descriptions reference a lot of things from the show. Also, two of the cards have fandom references. Scootaloo's says "Scootaloo's no chicken!" and the Day Spa one says "unwind with a Lotus and Aloe Herbal Soak". It's actually italicized on the card!

The standee I got was of Sweetie Belle in the silly yet awesome costume she wore in The Show Stoppers. I rather like it; it's nice to have it standing on a desk. The tattoo sheet has Fluttershy and the CMC. I decided to save it instead of use it. It would be awesome to wear a bunch of temporary pony tattoos, though.

 
 
Current Mood: okay
Current Music: September (Instrumental) - The Living Tombstone
 
 
Rainbow-Starlight
17 October 2012 @ 09:26 pm

I slept for quite a while and had loads of dreams. Seriously. It was pretty weird. It was like I had all these dreams about random different things and kept switching from one to the next. I can't remember exactly what they all were now, I just know that there were a bunch.

One I do sort of remember was this very strange one where I and I think at least one other person were supposed to sit in this room and use no electricity. I can't help but wonder if this was inspired by the "What to do in a power outage" game that's on my forums. That and Francis' evil boss in Malcolm in the Middle.

The person in charge certainly acted like her, at least. I think me and whoever was with me hooked up a Wii to a TV that was in the room, which ticked her off. I can't remember much more than that.

Then I had a rather strange but also quite amazing (at some parts, at least) dream. I had yet ANOTHER dream about meeting Amy Lee. In the dream she and the rest of Evanescence were going to play some special show or something in front of a whopping eight people, me being one of them.

We were in some sort of building and I saw Amy Lee. I think she was walking to the place where the concert was. So I started talking to her and we were sort of walking around. We got to the room where the concert was going to be. There was something about having to put money in a box and me thinking that the money I had was made of something illegal. Or something.

There were several people in the room, and I was a bit confused because it seemed like there was more and eight, yet for some reason I wasn't able to count them. Evanescence was on stage and they played What You Want. After that there was some sort of break or... something.

Then I was up on this huge bridge... platform... balcony... thing that was over the room that the band was playing at. For some reason, someone from the audience was singing a .t.A.T.u. song and it was taking a long, long time. I got bored and went off to find something else to do before Ev started playing again.

I ended up in some store that was selling Hello Kitty/Sanrio stuff. Most of it seemed really expensive, except I saw a small "surprise" pack that wasn't too expensive (basically, they were kind of like pony blindbags but in completely different packaging). I can't remember if I got it or not, but then I was suddenly worried that I might be missing the concert. So, I went back.

Just as Evanescence were about to play, I woke up. Also, I'm guessing I fell back asleep and kind of continued it or something, because there are a few other things I remember. One was that at some point I actually was Amy Lee. That would be the second time I've dreamed about that. Also, Amy was suddenly blonde (I think) and didn't play My Immortal at the end of the concert (like she did both times I've actually seen Evanescence).

Anyway, crazy dreams aside...

I've been playing White 2. Well, I haven't today or yesterday since I woke up late and ended up going on the computer and such instead. I want to resume playing tomorrow. So far it's an excellent game and quite a bit more different from the paired versions than other "updated" versions have been. I beat the first gym leader, which was Cheren.

Also, I guess I forgot to mention this, but my mom gave me $20 for my birthday. In addition to the $100 I got for my birthday. I was on Equestria Daily and happened to see this post:

http://www.equestriadaily.com/2012/10/derpy-and-dash-invading-stores.html

According to this post, Hot Topic was selling two awesome looking pony figures that are quite obviously aimed at bronies. Unfortunately, the one I would have absolutely loved to have, Derpy, was sold out. Fortunately, Rainbow Dash was not:

http://www.hottopic.com/hottopic/PopCulture/EverythingElse/CultFavorites//My+Little+Pony+Rainbow+Dash+Vinyl+Figure-144781.jsp

In addition, I realized that I had enough to get it, even with shipping. Actually, I had enough to get it and a pack of MLP trading cards. So, I did. No more just looking at cool pony stuff and wishing I could get it! This time I actually *did* get it! It has yet to come in the mail, but I'm fine with that. I'm patient. Just knowing that it's coming is good enough for me.

Also, my SoulSilver game hasn't come in the mail yet, but the estimated delivery date is... *checks* October 23, and usually when I buy from Amazon the items come a day early. I don't mind waiting another 5-6 days. I already have White 2.

Speaking of waiting, my therapist bought Flyleaf's upcoming album for me (as a birthday present)! He pre-ordered it from Hot Topic's website.. I'm not sure when it'll come, but I know it's coming out on October 30th. It's called New Horizons. Should be awesome.

Yes, I like Hot Topic. Big deal. It's just a store. :P I swear, people get upset over the stupidest things. Buying something from a store doesn't make me an emo scene hipster goth wannabe or whatever the stereotype is. I've gotten five shirts from Hot Topic. My only real problem with them is that they're a bit too expensive. That aside they seem pretty cool.

Oh, and I found this article reviewing the Rainbow Dash figure I ordered (as well as the sold out Derpy one):

http://www.equestriadaily.com/2012/10/toy-review-vinyl-rainbow-dash-and-derpy.html

Looks extremely awesome. Also, my guess about these being aimed at bronies is pretty much confirmed. Yay! I was a little concerned about the size since I didn't want to spend $20 on something super small, but it turns out it's almost as big as the Fashion Style ponies... which are around the same price, I think.

 
 
Current Music: Anywhere - Evanescence
 
 
 
Rainbow-Starlight
13 October 2012 @ 10:59 pm

Today was my birthday party. It was pretty dang cool. Definitely better than last year, though just about anything would have been better than last year, and possibly better than 2010.

Today I wore my favorite shirt, which has a picture of Rainbow Dash on it and says "I do all my own stunts". Plus my awesome fan made Derpy necklace (which I got off Ebay). I went to Wal-Mart with my dad, both for party stuff and for my presents.

First we went to look at the cakes. They didn't have very many, so I decided to get cake mix instead. While I was in the cake section, though, a lady who worked there said she liked my shirt. I smiled and thanked her. ^_^

 I went and found some strawberry cake mix and frosting as well as pink sprinkles. I also grabbed some strawberry ice cream as well as some pop. After that we got party stuff; I mainly got Hello Kitty ones (plates, cups, napkins, tablecloth) and I got streamers in three different colors.

After that I went to the electronics section to see if they had the two games I wanted. My dad had given me $100 for birthday presents. I had already spent $10 on a used game maybe a week ago. My brother was getting an Xbox and a game for his birthday, which happens to be in the same month, and I saw Pokémon Ranger: Shadows of Almia for only $10. My dad let me get it, but counted it as one of my presents. So, I had $90 left.

The two games I wanted were Pokémon Black Version 2 and Pokémon SoulSilver Version. I haven't played B/W much despite not only having both but having them since the day they came out. Mainly because I overall haven't been much into Pokémon in... a while. However, my interest has come back stronger than it has in years. That, combined with the fact that the newest games were coming out the same month I have my birthday kind of made it an easy decision. I want to get caught up, too.

As for SoulSilver... I had gotten HeartGold for my birthday in 2010. However, at some point it seemed to have dropped off the face of the earth. Or something. Seriously, it was like one day I had it and then the next it vanished without a trace. I've looked everywhere and have been completely unable to find it. I have the box, the instruction manual and the PokéWalker, but the game has remained lost. I'm afraid my only choice is to buy a new one, but since I never got SoulSilver, I decided to get that one instead. Plus there's still a small chance that HeartGold will reappear one day.

For some reason I seem to have had very, very bad luck with Johto games. I've had Gold, Silver AND Crystal. None of them work anymore. Though to be fair, I kind of killed my Crystal in an attempt to save it; I tried putting in a new battery but it didn't work. The old battery worked, but not the new one I tried to put in. Whoops.

Despite that, I have had some very, very good experiences in the Johto region itself. That's the main reason why I wanted SoulSilver; so I could travel though Johto again. However, the universe decided to display yet again how much Johto seems to dislike me, as neither HeartGold or SoulSilver were at EITHER of the stores we went to.

White 2, however, was at Wal-Mart. There weren't any copies of Black 2 left, but there were maybe four copies of White 2. While I was at Wal-Mart I saw a My Little Pony display and they were giving out these pony pictures for free. There was a map of Equestria, the epic season 2 poster, a villain poster, and a Royal Wedding Poster. I also grabbed a Pokémon Unova region sticker book, which was about $11.00.

 After that we went to Meijer to see if they had SoulSilver, and as I previously mentioned, they didn't. My dad, however, bought a copy of Bill O'Reilly's latest book. Before you ask, no, I don't like Fox News. My dad does. He's also convinced I'm a liberal, probably due to the fact that I wanted Obama to win in the last election. Now I really don't care for politics at all, but I digress.

We went to taco bell since that's what I wanted for lunch. We just went through the drive through. After that we went home and I tried to eat tacos and watch an episode of MLP:FiM. I didn't get very far since my dad wanted to watch on the TV. So I started getting the party ready, hanging up streamers and pictures that I printed off the internet. All the pictures were either pony or Pokémon related. Also, I was able to order SoulSilver from Amazon for about $38.

In addition to that I set up various pony and Pokémon (well, mainly pony since most of my Pokémon ones seem to be lost somewhere) toys. My dad brought in his stereo from his shop and I put on some brony music.

My dad baked the cake and I decorated it. It was good, though it was extremely, extremely sweet. Think Pecha berries dipped in sugar and eaten with ice cream. The decoration was probably the most fun part of the cake, though. I wrote "Happy Birthday" (badly) in red frosting, then drew a rainbow and some stars on it. Then I put a bunch of pony blindbag toys on it (and a couple larger molded ones) I put Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash together since I love the idea of them as a couple. ^_^

The party reminds me of one I had in February, which in some ways made up for last year. It was pony themed. I originally intended it to be alongside the MLP marathon that was going on, the marathon that ended with Hearts and Hooves Day. I ended up not watching the marathon, but the party was still fun. I even got a MLP cake from Wal-Mart.

Also, at the party I had today, we watched a few YouTube videos and I played some Pokémon Battle Revolution. I don't own that game but I do rent it sometimes. Overall, it was a fun party, even if it wasn't super exciting. Then again, maybe that's a good thing; after all the crazy stuff that's happened to me over the last year, "normal" things seem amazing. Just being able to go through a day without thinking everything might be illegal is pretty dang amazing to me.

I haven't really done much of anything with my presents yet, not counting Shadows of Almia since I already had that one. I did that on purpose; today is the party day, but tomorrow I plan to spend a lot of time playing White 2, which I haven't actually started yet. I need to plan a team first.

 
 
Current Mood: cheerfulcheerful
Current Music: Ascension - Ark (From Balloon Party, a brony album)
 
 
Rainbow-Starlight
10 October 2012 @ 03:41 pm

As I'm sure you know, as it seems to be what everyone on the internet has been talking about lately, PETA released a Pokémon parody game called "Pokémon Black and Blue". PETA, one of the most ridiculous organizations I have ever seen in my life. PETA, the people who complained about a rat being killed in a video game, Mario wearing a Tanuki suit, and Obama killing a fly.

PETA, as just about anyone could tell you, is an incredibly silly excuse for an animal rights organization. This is coming from someone who is against wearing fur and who thinks that all meat should be synthetic.

Their attack against Pokémon is, to me, one of the most ridiculous things they have ever done. It's worse than "Sea Kittens". Of course they just took advantage of the very recent release of Pokémon Black Version 2 and Pokémon White Version 2 to get more attention. That isn't hard to figure out.

The parody game itself is sick. It's far more violent than anything that has EVER been featured in the actual Pokémon series. It's bloody, gory, and just plain wrong. It has pictures of Pokémon who are beat up, covered in blood and so on. They're saying that THIS is what Trainers do to their Pokémon!

It should be obvious to anybody who has seriously tried the series, but Pokémon love battling. Trainers don't force their Pokémon to fight, they fight because they want to. Battling makes Pokémon happy. It's proven in the games; a Pokémon's happiness goes up as they battle and gain levels.

Pokémon are not animals. They resemble animals, but are not animals themselves. Pokémon are separate creatures. It has been shown in the series and confirmed by one of the people who works on the games that Pokémon have human intelligence. They're very capable of making their own decisions and it's pretty damn clear that they choose to battle.

Then there is the aspect of it that I'm sure that the anger-filled PETA people will never understand. That is, the bonds between Pokémon and their Trainers. Trainers are not abusive, power hungry drunks (no, really, one of the Trainers in the parody was holding a bottle and had swirly eyes... yet is supposed to be a child?). The few Trainers who are abusive are as looked down upon in the Pokémon world as they would be in our world.

Most Trainers are kind, caring, determined individuals who care deeply for their Pokémon. To them, Pokémon are friends and companions, not tools. A good Trainer is one who sees their Pokémon as an individual, not as an object for battling with.

What about outside of the series? What about the "real" Pokémon Trainers; the ones who play the games? The fact that PETA would depict Trainers the way they do and state that playing Pokémon basically leads to bullying and animal abuse is something that I can't help but find highly offensive.

Thinking of myself as a Trainer is something intensely special in a way that I cannot properly describe. Players have - and I'm not alone in this - formed bonds with the Pokémon they train. It's something that I highly doubt the people who created that parody could ever come close to comprehending.

To say that Pokémon causes people to become bullies is absolutely absurd to say the least.

 
 
Current Mood: cheerfulcheerful
 
 
Rainbow-Starlight
10 October 2012 @ 07:41 am

So it seems that lately I've been in the mood to revive things. Old things that I haven't really touched in several years. Well, this journal happens to be one of them. I thought, instead of trying for the billionth time to create a new journal or blog, why not revive this one?

The last regular post (not counting ones I made private or the one where I posted a link to a new LJ that I hardly used) was made on October 2nd, 2009. No, really. Three years ago. I finally changed the theme and my userpic.

So, what has happened since then? "A lot" would be one hell of an understatement.

Oh my god. Do you know what I just realized?

October 2nd 2009 was the date of my last "normal" post. October 3rd, 2009 was the day I was admitted to a mental hospital (well, I might have been admitted the night before, but close enough). I guess that would be a good place to start when it comes to all the craziness that has happened to me in the last few years?

I was hospitalized after two of the people who live in my mind - Angel and Third - started fighting while I was at school. I had gone to the counselor's office and they ended up calling something called "Mobile Crisis Response". They left the room for a bit, and that's when it started happening.

The people who live in my mind have the ability to "appear" in the surrounding environment. Think of it this way: they appear as if I imagined them, yet I'm not; they control themselves as if they were different people. I call this "projection".

I mainly thought I needed to be hospitalized due to the suicidal thoughts I was having, though, if I remember correctly. I was taken to an emergency room and after loads of waiting, was finally taken to a mental hospital. I stayed there a week. I didn't really get better but managed to convince myself and the people there that I was so I could get out.

Due to that I still had problems with depression, at least until early 2010. 2010 actually ended up being rather good for the most part, with some exceptions. Most of those exceptions involve Third, who would attack me sometimes and even made me hurt myself at times. I also started feeling panicky at school and ended up dropping out. Usually it was because I couldn't handle hearing about some of the stuff they talked about (like the holocaust, for example). One particular day I even thought that the food at school was poisoned.

2011 was a lot like 2010 until one day in (I think) late August. That was when I saw some article online about some law that passed, a law that people referred to as the "ISP snooping bill". For some reason, seeing that... I'm not sure if these are the right words, but it's almost as if it triggered something in my mind. It was completely unexpected. One moment I was fine and the next I was convinced that the police was after me.

I became incredibly paranoid, thinking that anything I did could be illegal (or various things I did in the past) and that I could go to jail for them. It started off more with internet stuff, like thinking sites I went on might be illegal without me knowing or something.

It eventually expanded to include non-internet things as well. That turned into thinking things like that the people who drove by my house were undercover government agents who were spying on me through windows and reporting what they saw to the police. Or, rather, that they were regular people who were "moral crusaders" or something who were helping out the police. Or something.

My worries about jail got so ridiculously bad that for a while I could hardly even focus on anything at all. I would try to sleep just so I could get away from the thoughts for a little while. Despite that, there were two things that I could sort of cling to during that time. That is, the band Evanescence and the show My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic.

Sometime in late 2011 I began the process of becoming a brony. Despite what was going on at the time, I consider becoming a brony one of the best things that has ever happened to me. I'm not sure how I would have survived late 2011 without ponies.

My birthday in 2011, however, was just awful. The party itself was fine but I couldn't enjoy it because I was worried all day. I woke up early and started crying because I thought I was going to jail. I really did try to enjoy my party, but it was very hard.

Later on I started seeing a therapist.

For a while I was, for the most part, afraid to leave the house (even to go to a to a store). I started having panic attacks. I had a pretty horrible Christmas Eve. I went to a store and nearly had a panic attack in the car. Later on I had a moment where I felt like I was watching myself, like I wasn't in control of myself anymore. That night I fell asleep early. My dad got me up later and was concerned because I wasn't responding much to anything (everything felt sort of weird and far away).

Through most of 2012 my worries about jail were indeed still there, but I learned how to live with them better. I found ways that I could do things and focus on things despite them. Still, they were absolutely terrible and pretty much took over my life.

It's hard to explain exactly what persecutory delusions are like. Of course everyone knows the stereotypes, the "crazy" person who thinks the government is after them. How often have you heard about what it's like to live like that from the person themselves? Not very often, at least in my experience.

Despite the fact that I was able to live with it better, it continued to get worse and worse over time. My delusions seemed to grow and become more complex. It got to the point where I couldn't take it anymore. Sometimes I considered suicide over it.

I ended up being hospitalized for a second time, about a month ago. This time was a much better experience than the other time for a variety of reasons. It was a different hospital and was far better in my opinion. I was honest about what was happening. I was put on an antipsychotic called Seroquel, which seemed to help a lot, and was discharged. I actually spent a couple LESS days there than the first time.

For a while after I seemed to get worse, but then thankfully I finally started getting better. Though it isn't 100% gone, it's still better than it's been since it happened. There are other things going on still, but honestly, they're like heaven compared to worrying about jail the way I used to.

 
 
Current Mood: contentcontent
Current Music: Avril Lavigne
 
 
Rainbow-Starlight
01 November 2009 @ 01:32 am
I've got a new LJ.

http://charsivy.livejournal.com/
 
 
Rainbow-Starlight
02 October 2009 @ 01:55 am
What is, you may ask? I'll explain.

You see, at the beginning of the school year I chatted with my friends and we'd hang out at lunch and stuff. No big deal, right? But soon... it just started to feel "wrong". It's hard to explain. It's like... after years of loneliness, being alone just sort of comes naturally. It feels more "right". This is the odd part... it's painful. It's depressing. It's devastating. But it feels "right". It's like I sort of adjusted to it over the years and now being with others makes me feel out of place. A rather... a rather disturbing thought.

It isn't always like that 100% of the time, though... it's just when it gets to a certain point, it no longer feels comfortable. Loneliness is, as odd as it might sound, something I can sort of take refuge in.

And now I've been... been watching as the relationship between me and my friends deteriorates because of this. It makes me feel helpless and guilty. I've also become increasingly paranoid, thinking they must dislike me now and are probably talking behind my back.
 
 
Current Mood: depresseddepressed